The following conversation has been paraphrased...

6 months ago

Her: I’m available…

Him: well, I got work/school/stuff/a sporting event/something

Her: Oh, I figured because we had been out a few times/dating a few months exclusively/slept together last night that you were interested?

Him: Yeah, I’m just…uhm. Busy, with stuff. I’ll call you…

Present day

Her: oh hey, what’s up?

Him: well we haven’t talked in a while…

(Her thinking: yeah, because you stopped calling)

Him: so, uh what’s up? Wanna do something? Meet up for coffee or something?

Her: well, I’m seeing someone and I don’t think he’d appreciate it…

Him: oh. Is it serious?

Her: well, it’s new but –

Him: so you wanna meet up for coffee? Because you know, I’ve been thinking a lot about you lately and I was --

Oh. Please. Stop.

I’ve heard this story time and time again from women. I have had so many versions of that conversation that I had to paraphrase, or it would gone on for days. So, guys, one of you, please tell me where it is written that the “if she’s hot for you, you must be cold to her approach” works? Or if she’s well, moved on and stopped waiting for you call, that you must start calling again because out of phone means out of mind?

WHERE is this written? Maxim’s advice column? AskMen.com? Advice passed down from the elders generation after generation? Where?

Because we need to quash this right now.

This does not achieve anything.

In a perfect world, you would’ve been ready for her when she was ready for you. But you weren’t. She wasn’t it. You had other options, she wasn’t as hot, and you were genuinely really busy with work or school or something and didn’t have time exclusively for her. Okay.

But now that you can’t have her, why must you try so hard NOW?

This does not stir up feelings like it does on TV. This frustrates women. Your midnight epiphany could be with the best of intentions, but you declare your feelings like this and we don’t generally think “oh! He’s come around!” we think “what the fuck?!?”

It’s a love game. There are no winners.

You could’ve been dating two girls at once and let this one go for the other. That’s fair. What’s not fair, is that you think the one you let go is on standby. Even if she didn’t move on to someone else and you just saw her one day and had that conversation on the corner that lasted 5 minutes where you realized she got really hot/was really a good catch after all/wasn’t trying to lock you down, you should NOT call/Facebook or email.

Women are like buses. You missed the ride on this one…so be on time for the next one or get to walking.