So tonight, some of you are still scrambling to buy a present... my thoughts are with you.

Tomorrow (or the day after or in a few hours if she's eager), she'll be opening the present you so painstakingly (or rushed) to buy. The question will be: will you be on the nice or naughty list after she sees it?

How to get on the NAUGHTY list:

Gift Cards.
Seriously? That's what you buy friends, family, your child's teacher. When the girlfriends commune in the days to come and talk about what they got, picture her holding up a gift card to Future Shop and saying with a big smile "THIS!"

Yeah, doesn't work.
Anything Domestic
Unless she's a domestic goddess who goes by the names Nigella, Rachael or Martha, do NOT attempt this. Unless she says specifically that for Christmas she wants new cookware, baking supplies or a vacuum, do not attempt this.

Lingerie (especially in the wrong size)
We know you're visual creatures...that's why WE buy the stuff. Do not buy unless you've been together for a while. If you need to figure out what her size is, instead of going into the store and saying to the (hot) salesgirl "she's about your size", try this: remember when you oh so expertly removed her bra when you were getting it on? There's a size tag. Usually by the clasp. Check it out. Most importantly: do NOT buy any of the Xmas themed stuff at the front of the store. You will be dateless on New Year's Eve if she finds that under the tree.
Random Perfume
Avoid this at Valentine's as well. She has a favourite fragrance (or three or four), and if you don't know the exact name, don't try sniffing a bunch of bottles and thinking, "that's about right".
Anything Practical
Yes, of course it makes complete sense to buy her a back up flashlight/smoke detector/emergency kit for her car. But unless she's a gadget girl...practical gifts are best saved for, nothing. Let her parents buy that shit. Again, imagine her holding it up a flashlight to her girlfriends and saying: "THIS!"

How to get on the NICE list

Pampering
Hmmm. This would be the ONE time a gift card is acceptable. Treating her to a massage and/or pedicure? Especially if you say it's because you see she works hard (in or out of the home)? Genius.

Listen out for these words:
"I LOVE this..."
"I like this..."
"I've always wanted..."
"I adore..."
"I really should get..."

I'm not one of those women who drops hints around November at what I want in hopes that he'll remember, but I do talk about stuff I like. Some women hint straight out; others will hand you a typewritten list in Excel cross referenced with stores and prices as well as directions to the mall.

Guys, you don't understand how excited we get when we realize that you are LISTENING and retaining shit we say. You know the phrase "it's the thought that counts"? Well, the very thought of you remembering that she coveted something makes the present that much more special.

Because then the scenario goes like this: she gets together with the girls post holiday. They compare gifts. She's asked "what did He get you?" She flashes the item AND talks about how she only mentioned it in passing, like, ONCE, way back when and that you must've written it down or remembered or something and there it was under the tree and blah blah blah blah...

The other ladies swoon. They chime "awww! That's so sweet! He's such a great guy!" The one who got the present off the naughty list (and there's always one...) will go home and give her honey the "why can't you be more like that?" look, without explaining why and plug in her new state of the art vacuum.

Merry Xmas to all and to all a good night...

xoxo
HLBB

1 – Don’t.

2 – Okay, if you really must: wear protection.
This would be one of those times where sharing is NOT caring.

3 – Okay, if you really must. Be discreet and keep it simple.
If you are to have a jump-off, make sure that they have something to lose and not something to gain. Also, stick to one jump-off at a time, I mean, c’mon now, you’re in a committed relationship already! How much more sex can you need? Don’t you have a job? A paper route? A hobby?

4 – DON’T lie to the jump off.
As Yvonne of heydoyou.com tweeted the other day “two timing guys get caught twice”.
You are already lying to one person; why complicate matters more? I don’t even think that they’ve made an app to help you keep track of lies; if they did, I’d know even more people with iPhones.

Wait – stops to check App Store – nope. Just lie detector apps.

Look at Letterman. Did any of his affairs go running to Life & Style Magazine to tell “their side” of the story? Nope. Wow. Look what honesty gets you. Remember, it wasn’t even one of the exes that outed him! She wanted it kept private. Why? So as not to be accused of sleeping her way to the top. Why? Because she had something to lose.

But Tiger? Oh Tiger, you probably told each of your lucky 13 that they were the only one(s). I’m NOT sorry, but cocktail waitresses with dreams of becoming models at the age of 24 don’t have anything to lose.They knew you had a wife, but when one jump-off came out, each realized you had lied to them. Hell hath no fury like a jump-off lied to.

5 – Set the terms.
No overnights. No calls to the house (really, a smart cheater has more than one phone, GoogleVoice anyone?) No pictures (and if you’re even contemplating for a moment nekkid pics, don’t). Set up a separate email account. Always use condoms. Don’t have sex in your car. No time together on holidays. Do not go out in public or to any of the places you go to with your beloved.

Hey you know what? Sucks to be them, but if they’re willing to agree to those terms – and yes, I know people who have – then that’s their lot in life to accept. They made their bed, so they can sleep in it alone.

Oh, if all the above seems like too much work for you, then you shouldn’t be cheating in the first fucking place. Dumbass.

6 – Don’t fall in love.
It’s a “transgression” remember? Falling in love is what you did with the person you're cheating on.

7 – Don’t feel guilty.
Huh? You’re cheating on the love of your life, the mother/father of your children, your best friend and soul mate? But, you feel guilty? Awwww. Then, you my friend are a Dumbass. That’s right, you must go through with your transgression feeling no guilt, no remorse; as if you have the best of both worlds. If you can’t feel that way, then you shouldn’t be cheating or be in a relationship. That’s right, choose one. Do not pass GO, do not collect another jump-off. Choose.

8 – Expect to get caught.
Expect to find panties stuffed under the car seat. Expect a voicemail on the home line (because you didn’t pay attention to tip #5). Expect to slip up on a name in a moment of anger or passion. Expect that your beloved will notice a change in behaviour both in and out of the bedroom. Expect that one day you will be walking down the street with your beloved and see your jump-off staring at you in shock because they thought you were single (ah, you ignored tip #4, didn’t cha?). Expect that once caught out, that there will be a swift and possibly violent reaction. Expect to be caught on camera. Expect that there will be evidence. Expect that one day Maury Povich will say “Dumbass, you ARE the father!” Expect one or both people to break up with your cheating ass.

Because you got away with a one night stand, you are not an expert cheater, so yes, expect to get caught.

Well, there you have it.

Before the emails of condemnation come in, I will disclose: yes, I’ve been cheated on. Yes, I’ve been the girl who followed all of rules in tip #5. I’m not casting stones. I personally believe that if you are the type of person to cheat then you just shouldn’t bother with relationships. But at least try to mitigate the damage you’re about to do (already doing), and if you can’t follow tip #1, then expect all of tip #8 to smack you upside the head like 9-iron.

xoxo

Geneviève Bergeron, Hélène Colgan, Nathalie Croteau,

Barbara Daigneault

Anne-Marie Edward, Maud Haviernick, Maryse Laganière

Maryse Leclair, Anne-Marie Lemay

Sonia Pelletier, Michèle Richard, Annie St-Arneault, Annie Turcotte

Barbara Klucznik-Widajewicz…

These are the names we know; these are the names we have been told about…

These are the names for the women who didn’t have names. These names and the image above should be all the information you need to know what this post is about. This is my memorial. This is my thank you to these women, these women who taught me at the tender age of 13 that violence is wrong.

But I was never taught the signs. Never given the clues to what leads to that kind of behaviour.

I was raised a feminist. I wasn’t given feminist literature, taken on marches or ever lit a bra on fire. I was raised to never see obstacles because of my gender (or race), with the knowledge that I would have to work 3 times as hard to be considered half as good, but was told by my Mother (who raised me), my Aunt (who inspired me, and a fine selection of men (Uncle, Cousins) who always taught me to go for mine.

Then I met him…and still no one taught me the signs.

I was 17, impressionable and just out of my first romance. I had switched schools for academic reasons and like the Type-A overachiever I was, was taking a bunch of specialty classes: Politics, Scriptwriting, and Psychology. He was in all my classes.

He said things like “I never knew that girls as pretty as you could be so smart”… “you have great legs”… you’re reading that book? Impressive…” Always with a smile, always flirting. I fell for it instantly. We started to date and the compliments stopped.

I, Miss Type A, also had a part-time job after school. This money gave me the freedom to go to movies, go shopping, buy make up, books, comics, film and photographic paper (I was also taking Photography). One day he complained that my time spent at work meant time away from him and building our relationship. My smart-ass response was “are you going to buy my Always? Because that’s what me working allows me to…” He thought my allowance should be enough. It was our first fight.

We fought about sex…actually, we negotiated it. Once, he told me “if I can’t get it from you, I’m going to have to go elsewhere…” and proceeded to flirt with a girl that he knew I thought was prettier than I.

I once made elaborate (for a 17 year old) plans for us to alleviate his complaints that I had no time for him. He stood me up and called 5 hours later to tell me he had “hung out with friends and fallen asleep. What’s the big deal?”

In Politics class, he was the “star student” of the class and I, a novice. I had taken the class because I knew nothing about politics and wanted to learn. For our end of term paper (which he was supposed to help me with but bailed), I achieved an A+… he got a B (he wrote it the night before it was due). After comparing of our grades, he said the only reason I had gotten my A+ was because the teacher thought I was hot. In fact, he thought that I had achieved most of my grades on looks or charm because “(I) wasn’t as smart as (I) thought (I) was”. Actually, that year, I ranked in the 98^th percentile for my district and the 95^th percentile in Ontario. I had been reading at a 12^th grade level since I was 6 years old. I got A’s without having to ever study for an exam. Yet, he constantly called me stupid, or silly or my favourite: uninformed. (But I had great legs).

We would argue, and I mistook it for passion. I thought we were having an "mature" relationship. But I was getting tired of it. Then I heard he made plans to go out with that “other girl” and I thought, “I’m done.”

I tried to break up with him over the phone. He’d change the subject. I tried in person after he dropped me home after school, he laughed it off. I finally wrote him a “Dear John” letter and placed it in his mailbox at school. He found me in the hall and ran up to me, grabbed me in a bear hug and said “Chiquita! What is this? You can’t be serious!” He laughed. He asked if I had met someone else. I said, “No. Everything I have tried to tell you is in that letter. We are done.”

Weeks went by and there was no contact. We broke for Christmas. One of his friends called me to invite me to a party and I declined, explaining that I didn’t want to see my ex at this party. He told me that my ex went to Blue Mountain with that other girl. I led his friend to believe that I had moved on as well, knowing that his call was not to invite me anywhere but to “report” back to my ex. School resumed. My ex and I kept respectful distances from each other. One day he came to me and said could we talk over coffee, clear the air. I accepted.

On the subway ride downtown, he mentioned the conversation I had with his friend in an off-hand manner. I laughed in his face and said “gotcha! I knew what he was doing, so I gave him something to report…” My ex was not amused that I had outsmarted him, again. He said instead of coffee, he wanted to go to the library and show me a documentary on Che that he thought would “open my eyes” I responded that I had no interest in Che and had agreed only to coffee. We began to argue. Publicly. At the corner of Yonge and Bloor. In the middle of rush hour. I realized that I didn’t need this and said so, turned on my heel and walked away…

He grabbed the hood of my coat and yanked me back so hard, I came off my feet.

No one stopped.

He grabbed my arm and said, “don’t you fucking walk away from me!”

I shoved him back and said, “Fuck off! Touch me again and I will call my boys!” (He hated that I had so many guy friends, by the way. The only reason they were friends with me was “because they wanted to fuck (me)”

No one stopped.

He took me to the library. I went to the phones and called my best friend (a guy), who wanted to know if I was okay. I was angry I said (I didn’t admit that I was scared) and on my way home. My best friend asked me to come to his house first so he could see that I was okay. I lied to my ex, saying I had to go home; it would be the only reason he’d let me go.

I looked at the bruise on my arm the next morning and thought “never again”. I realized that my spark had been diminished during my time with him, that my grades had suffered because I didn’t want to make him feel less smart, that my spunky sarcasm and my glam make-up had been muted. I thought “never again”. Friends who hadn’t heard from me as much were saying “welcome back”, I smiled a little more often. Those were the signs.

In Politics class, we did a module on feminism, and the teacher brought up those 14 names. I watched my ex’s face for signs. He said that they weren’t martyrs because they had simply been caught in the crossfire.

“Bullshit” I snapped. “He targeted them based on the simple criteria that they were women. Women who were smart, women who had achieved something, women who were more capable than he was. He was a limp-dicked wimp who couldn’t compete, so he committed a cowardly act and then killed himself!”

The class was silent. The teacher said nothing. I was shaking.

I looked at my ex and said “and it will never happen again...”

Resources:
http://www.whiteribbon.ca/
http://www.itstartswithyou.ca/home/

1 - Tiger, Tiger.. Tiger. If you are going to cheat, pick discreet women. Not the "hostesses" of the world who are passed around like blunts at a hippie reunion.

2 - Guys: if you're thinking of cheating (and NO we do not endorse cheating over here at HLBB)...look at Tiger Wood's Christmas Card on the right and think "there but for the grace of obscurity, goes I..."


That is all,

xoxox

The following conversation has been paraphrased...

6 months ago

Her: I’m available…

Him: well, I got work/school/stuff/a sporting event/something

Her: Oh, I figured because we had been out a few times/dating a few months exclusively/slept together last night that you were interested?

Him: Yeah, I’m just…uhm. Busy, with stuff. I’ll call you…

Present day

Her: oh hey, what’s up?

Him: well we haven’t talked in a while…

(Her thinking: yeah, because you stopped calling)

Him: so, uh what’s up? Wanna do something? Meet up for coffee or something?

Her: well, I’m seeing someone and I don’t think he’d appreciate it…

Him: oh. Is it serious?

Her: well, it’s new but –

Him: so you wanna meet up for coffee? Because you know, I’ve been thinking a lot about you lately and I was --

Oh. Please. Stop.

I’ve heard this story time and time again from women. I have had so many versions of that conversation that I had to paraphrase, or it would gone on for days. So, guys, one of you, please tell me where it is written that the “if she’s hot for you, you must be cold to her approach” works? Or if she’s well, moved on and stopped waiting for you call, that you must start calling again because out of phone means out of mind?

WHERE is this written? Maxim’s advice column? AskMen.com? Advice passed down from the elders generation after generation? Where?

Because we need to quash this right now.

This does not achieve anything.

In a perfect world, you would’ve been ready for her when she was ready for you. But you weren’t. She wasn’t it. You had other options, she wasn’t as hot, and you were genuinely really busy with work or school or something and didn’t have time exclusively for her. Okay.

But now that you can’t have her, why must you try so hard NOW?

This does not stir up feelings like it does on TV. This frustrates women. Your midnight epiphany could be with the best of intentions, but you declare your feelings like this and we don’t generally think “oh! He’s come around!” we think “what the fuck?!?”

It’s a love game. There are no winners.

You could’ve been dating two girls at once and let this one go for the other. That’s fair. What’s not fair, is that you think the one you let go is on standby. Even if she didn’t move on to someone else and you just saw her one day and had that conversation on the corner that lasted 5 minutes where you realized she got really hot/was really a good catch after all/wasn’t trying to lock you down, you should NOT call/Facebook or email.

Women are like buses. You missed the ride on this one…so be on time for the next one or get to walking.

Conversation with one of my girls the other day:

“…he is so annoying! Disagrees with everything I say at meetings, critiques my work, tries so hard to always one-up me. But the part I don’t get is that if he hates me so much, WHY does he always have to be on my projects? So that I can make him look good?”

Me: “he likes you. Remember when you were elementary school, and a boy liked you? I mean, liked you liked you? So when you saw you, he made fun of you, pulled your hair, grabbed your bag and made mocking noises every time you spoke?”

Her: “yeah...”

Me: “I suspect that Annoying Boy, who from what you’ve told me is your equal at work and therefore doesn’t need you to look good, likes you. I mean likes you likes you.”

Her: “oh. You think?”

Me: “yeah”

Her: “but we’re not kids anymore…”

Guys, I will now ask you to pull out your wallets (no, not for money) and check your ID. Driver’s license, Health Card, Citzenship, Passport… something with your photo and your date of birth. Once you do that, check the photo. Is it you? Good. Check the year of birth. If it’s anything dated before 1997, then remind yourself of this: you are not a kid anymore…

Women figure that the “I like you so I must be a jerk to you” phase ended, oh… somewhere after grade 6. So, when you act anything like Annoying Boy from the above example, we don’t think it’s cute, we think you’re immature. Yes. Immature. It is hard to express feelings, trust me I know, but women have had enough trouble in their (adult) dating lives to try and decipher what you meant by your backhanded comments, rude behaviour or general all around jerk-ness. Mind you, there are some girls out there who love the “loves me/loves me not” thing and those girls also need to check their IDs.

If you want a girl and not a woman, then you can stop reading. If you think that manning up about your feelings means hiding them behind a veil of jerk-ness, you can stop reading. We’re separating the boys from the men in this post.

You do not want to be accused of playing head games, right? Take this short quiz:

The object of your affection shows up wearing an outfit that you would love to see on your bedroom floor. Do you:
a) make a joke about the ensemble and secretly gawk at her, memorizing the outfit and storing it in your spank bank database?
b) Say “you look…hot” and say nothing more (then memorize the outfit and store it in your spank bank database)?
c) Say “you’re looking really nice today…what’s the occasion?” or something like that (then memorize the outfit and store it in your spank bank database)?

You work with the object of your affection, and in a meeting she says something you wished you had said. Do you:
a) automatically disagree with it, just to get a rise out of her (because she’s kinda hot when she’s pissed)?
b) nod quietly and add this to the list of things you admire about her?
c) offer your own intelligent observation and then compliment her after on her comments via email or chat, somehow showing that you were paying special attention to what she was saying (in a non-creepy, non-stalker kind of way)?

The object of your affection makes contact with you (phone, text, BBM, Ping, Tweet…whatever) to ask you a yes/no question. Do you:
a) give a dumbass answer in order to prolong the conversation?
b) you decline to answer right away so that you have another shot at talking to her?
c) provide her with her answer and ensure you have a way to continue to keep the topic alive?

Results
If you answered mostly A’s – you’re Annoying Boy who sends mixed signals.
If you answered mostly B’s – awww...you’re shy. Work on getting over that a little or you’ll never get the girl.
If you answered mostly C’s – look at your girlfriend and say “I told you I was the shit…”

So, if you like her, I mean like her like her…be a good boy and man the fuck up.

Oh hunny bunnies… We’ve been seeing this a lot lately. We are not amused. It’s about her, the girl you’ve tried to wife against a logic and reason. The girl you think is your dream girl…so you go after her like you’re a starving man in the desert. Instead of dating her for the moment, you start talking about a lifetime. 6 months later, a year even, you’ve turned into Al Bundy and complain relentlessly about her.

But…You’re still with her. You tell us, she’s changed, she wasn’t like that in the beginning.

Uhm…guess what? She was.

You were too blinded by the beauty, the sex, the whatever you want to call it to see the signs. But she did NOT turn into Peggy Bundy overnight. The seeds of that were planted a loooong time ago. I’m not saying people don’t change – but you can’t say you’re dating a completely different person because, if you were honest with yourself, you would’ve seen the signs you’re seeing now. Do any of these scenarios sound familiar?

You’re a commitment-phobe. By the end of date one, you know how many kids she wants and why getting married in her grandparents backyard is the perfect setting. Do not be surprised if she is pushing for you to make a stronger commitment (ahem, buy a ring/move in/get matching tattoos) in a year’s time…

Your princess begins to pout because you didn’t pay for dinner/pick her up/fix her dad’s car/help her babysit? Uhm, were you ALWAYS doing those things? Then that is what is expected of you! Hello?! What other precedent is she going to base it on? I firmly believe that it’s better to feel as if you’d do anything for a person, than feel as if you do everything for a person…

She doesn’t cook/keep house/do things the way you thought she would once you got married/moved in together. This is so easy to determine: look at how she was when you lived separately, because guess what? If she wasn’t like that before, she’s not turning into a domestic goddess overnight. If you expected to give a woman keys to your place and in turn she keep house for you, I hope you’ve given those keys to a maid service. It should also go without saying, but I’ll say it anyways: she’s not your mother.

“I don’t know why she wears all that makeup/weave/hair dye/high heels or spend all her time at the hairdresser/nail salons/spa”. This goes two ways: either she figures that’s how you met her, so she needs to maintain it, OR she puts that effort into herself because she wants to. How is this a problem that your girl wants to look good? So what if she’s high maintenance…is she the one maintaining it?

“She has no direction in life…” The majority of women I know don’t suddenly give up EVERYTHING in their lives because of love. So chances are, you initially loved that you could “help her out”, give advice, be there for her, etc. Now, it’s not so fun always “being there” for her. Next time, before you feed your ego, feed hers a bit; empower instead of enable, yeah?

“She doesn’t really match me intellectually”. Excuse me, but huh?

This was NOT overnight either; you may have fucked her senseless the night before, but sweetie, she did NOT wake up stupid. Lemme guess, was it that one time she just didn’t get the joke and you realized that she never really gets the joke? Or her cute emails are full of emoticons, chat speak and spelling errors? Guess what honey, the cute ran out; that’s why she doesn’t match you intellectually this morning. She never did…the cute has just run out.

“She doesn’t match me sexually” – so, she gave you head last week and now won’t go south of your solar plexus. It’s called a “job” and if you’ve ever had those days where you didn’t feel like going to work… But I’m talking about the desire, drive, interest. If you think the “job” is a fun way to have foreplay and she only really did it the beginning because she wanted to impress you…you can tell. She reluctantly went there instead of with gusto, she screwed up her face when you asked, but took a deep breath and did it anyways. That honey, is not a match! That’s a power struggle. Hopefully, you’re an expert negotiator or your birthday is coming up real soon.

Again, change does happen. I’m not denying that. I’m talking about the signs of change… or lack of. “Wifeys” share your core values, your beliefs, stimulate you outside the bedroom, give you what you need without you having to ask (and I don’t just mean sexually) Wifeys have your back, they’re not on your back. If you not sure that she’s wifey material…

She’s not.

Guys, I want you to study this video.



Here's your cheat sheet; write this down on the inside of your forearm if you must:

1 - anticipation (it's just as fun for you)
2 - take your time (yes, take your damn time)
3 - foreplay (that lasts longer than 4 seconds)
4 - confidence (she will think YOU invented sex)
5 - switch it up (a lot)
6 - at the 2:13 mark, freeze frame the video...that's ice. Just remember. Ice.

If she wasn't going home with you before...she will now.

That is all. Goodnight.
xoxo

Guys, when it comes to romance, you can’t just catch a fucking break. To quote Ne-Yo, you love her ‘cause she got her own…but heaven help you if you try to open a door, pay the bill at dinner, or try to fix something in her house, right? Yes, the age of Miss Independent is upon you but then, Keri Hilson says:

Diamonds a girl's best friend, if you can provide them/ I might even act a fool while you're hittin' it…

So Miss Independents are still best friends with Diamonds? What the fuck? I know hunny bunnies, it’s confusing. So, I asked the question via Twitter and email today: is romance/chivalry dead? Well…this is what they’re saying.

Via twitter: romance is probably more dead than chivalry. romance requires thought & effort…not dead but it has a bad case of the swine flu and may not recover in a lot of areas. Prognosis isn't good...And they're not gentlemanly enough these days…I don't think it’s dead. But I think women these days are too independent to always appreciate it…

Via email: It’s dead. Feminism killed it…I don’t think men know how. They think because I like sports that I can’t also like flowers…They don’t know how to be sexy/ flirty, they think 2 a.m. booty calls are sexy. They aren’t…he asked me out via text message. I never responded.

It got me wondering, in this day and age; what IS romance? How do you romance a Miss Independent who wants to go dutch on the bill, open her own doors and stresses that she wants you but doesn’t NEED you?

Well, I think it’s two little words (RELAX! I said TWO not 3 little words…):

Little Luxuries.

Put away your wallets, and take notes…it’s NOT what you’re thinking.

I was told this story today: A guy she’s been out on a few dates with learned that she liked red wine. Knowing that she had a long day at work, he asked if he could stop by for a short visit and maybe bring by a bottle of wine. She said sure… he came by with wine and some chopped logs for her fireplace. He was gonna leave…he didn’t have to.

Our technology allows us to have instant responses, but guys, connections take more time than that. Try calling before texting every once in a while and try, I dunno, leaving a voicemail? The sound of your voice to say I’ll be there in 20 minutes? Much better than the text (even if she texts like she invented the damn thing). I have watched a woman’s face light up when that name appears on the call display…

The key is that these gestures have to be genuine and cannot be something that your buddy did for his girl. Because unless you like polygamy, I’m guessing your girl is not his girl…you have to find out what works for your girl or the girl you’re interested in or the girl you want to sleep with. Whatever means to your ends.

It’s easy to quote Ne-Yo, Maxwell, Robin et all… but make a line like “you can have my heart or we can share it like the last slice” work for you? It has to be sincere, which is why women love that song. Romance is NOT a bouquet of flowers (unless she likes flowers). It’s singing her favourite slow song in her ear when no one else is around…it’s holding her hand instead of your Blackberry in public…it’s greeting her with a slow kiss hello instead of a peck on the cheek…it’s calling her at 2 p.m. to say you want to do nasty things to her instead of at 2 a.m.

This is what I’m being told guys and this is what I mean by little luxuries - she will luxuriate in these moments, these gestures...just as much as the other stuff. It’s about finding out what puts a smile on her face and consistently doing it every time…try it. Tell me how it goes.


xoxo

(or...sometimes she's using you for sex)

If you read the first entry of my Kiss Kiss...Bang Bang series (which is all about sexual interactions), here's the second.

Jump-off (\ˈjəmp\ \ˈȯf\) noun.
a female who is available anytime & anyplace for any type of sexual encounter
(source: urbandictionary.com)

vs.

Butterfinger (\ˈbə-tər\ \ˈfiŋ-gər\) noun.
a male that is not considered boyfriend material but is usually available for a sexual encounter.

"It may not be Godiva...but at least it's Butterfinger..." (From Darling Nicky of darlingnicky999.com)

Yes guys, it's true, don't let the magazines fool you. There are women out there who only want to have sex with you. Whether it's the need for skin to skin contact, an ego boost, or she just can't be bothered to go out and buy batteries...you will be that guy she has in the address book under "S" (even if your name starts with "R")

Sometimes, it's your ex girlfriend, a friend, or that one girl "you hit it off with", but never got around to calling. You bump into her one day and...she doesn't dog you out or pretend that you were in a relationship. After a few moments, you start to reminisce and think "I wonder if that's still available?"

Guess what? She's wondering the same thing. You know why she didn't call/text/stalk your facebook page/BBM/tweet or Ping you? You were okay. Just okay.

She may have acted a fool, but she was acting. She may have invited you to spend the night (or stayed the night) but wasn't trying to have breakfast in the morning. But now, it's been a while since you two "hit it off" and she seems agreeable. Agreeable. Not enthusiastic. Not eager. Agreeable.

Because you know sometimes it's been a while since you've had a really good meal, but you just go to the drive through to get a happy meal? Yeah, well she's been craving Godiva, but here you are with a Butterfinger...so she took it

(Hey, be grateful you're not a butterface)

Now, if it's your ex girlfriend, it's a case of the "devil you know". She will know exactly what to expect...maybe with the added dash of hope that you've learned something in your separation (I'm assuming it was a good break up), or you were a crap boyfriend but the best damn sex she's ever had. But she doesn't want you back. This is referred to amongst women as "backsliding", "trip down memory lane", or "reduce, reuse, recycle".

If it's a friend - please please please tread lightly. My first inclination is to not head down that path at all. I've only witnessed 2 friendships come back from crossing that line. Why is she doing it? Well one of two reasons: she's hoping that sex + friendship = relationship OR that sex + friendship = friends with benefits.

Frankly, I'm always surprised when guys are surprised that women feel this way. *smacks you all upside the head* This is not exclusive to men! Women can and will call you (or wait until you call) and "hit it off" and there. She got what she wanted until the next time she wants it.

Don't take it personally boo...she's just not that into you.

Never offer to treat a woman like a Princess if she's already the Queen of her kingdom...

xoxo

Well, one of my boys posted on twitter that for sex, anything longer than 10 minutes is not for pleasure and is just for exercise. Of course there was a round a disagreements...to which he responded:

Why do women say men are too quick when doing the deed? Have you ever considered that you are too slow?

Ladies, I'm going to leave this to you...what is your answer? Post below...and yes, I'm taking this question to the streets.

xoxox

Hi,

PSA time. Having a conversation with a friend of mine and the subject of, ahem, blow jobs came up.

Guys: please take note of what she's saying...thank you and goodnight.




New videos coming this week...xoxo

I would love to do an HLBB post like this...email me if you're interested!

If you follow us on Twitter, you know of my tales of the 3 a.m. girls. It started out as a bit of joke, resulting from our nights out a clubs watching guys fail at the art of the pick up.

Guy trying to pick up a girl on our left, and drunk out of her mind girl to our right...

We started calling them the 3 a.m. Girls. Paris and Lindsay are their patron saints...their libation of choice is whatever they can afford or is purchased for them and they seem to develop an aversion to shoes somewhere around the 3 a.m. hour.

So now, the 3 a.m. Girl is on Twitter - follow her and her friends each weekend.

Is it malicious? Meh, a little. But really it's no more embarrassing than your friends posting pics of you bleary eyed, with vomit in your hair on Facebook the next day. And we will always keep the identities of the 3 a.m. Girls anonymous. If you spot a 3 a.m. Girl when you're out - send a tweet to @3amgirls and hashtag it as well...let's see where this goes.

What I love about HLBB is that we get to discuss and discover the stuff that is usually said behind closed doors, over drinks or at a girls night out...

Guys, my girl darlingnicky999 has started a weekly poll (so if you're not following her, you should) where she posts 10 questions starting at noon EST and posts the results between 8 and 9 pm EST.

Mark your calendars: every WEDNESDAY, she asks the guys 10 questions about women and every THURSDAY she asks women for their honest opinions about men/relatioships/sex.

This week's questions and answers (Women about Men) are...drum roll please...!

Who would you go to first with big juicy news? Your Best Friend or your Boyfriend?
95% of you would tell your BEST FRIEND juicy news before telling your boyfriend/husband. (BFF could be male, that's alright).

What are you more self conscious about? Acne or Stretch Marks?
90% of you women are more self-conscious about acne than stretch marks.

Do you lie about your sexual past? Partners, etc? If so, how much?
Regarding lying abt yr sexual history....it was all ovr the place. sum used 2 & dont anymore. sum still do. sum nevr did.

Underwear – boxers, briefs or boxer/briefs?
Regarding Men's undergarments------Boxer-briefs got just under 2/3 of the vote. Followed by boxers. Lastly briefs.

Do you watch porn?
With regards to whether the LADIES watch porn.....kudos to those who told the truth…about 1/2 of you said YES straight up. Some of you said YES, but don't enjoy it, and a few said no, not at all.

Perfect first date? Expensive dinner? Dinner and a movie? Coffee and dessert? (he’s paying)
65% of you said that a movie/dinner is the ideal date, and most of you would offer to pay for part. Coffee shop took the rest.Nobody cared for the expensive fine dining. (Good news for your wallets fellas).

Wise words from Nicky - My take. The greatest loves of my life have been founded on rich minds, rich chemistry, and rich in humour. I'm a coffee shop girl.

Would you give ORAL if you knew it wasn’t going to be given?
With regards to giving ORAL, with no receiving of it...90% of ladies said they WOULD ABSOLUTELY still give!!!!!!! Bear in mind that several ladies said that this couldn't be a permanent situation, but they wouldn't withhold. (very evolved,impressed)

Would you date a guy who couldn’t dance…like NO rhythm?
50% of you said you WOULD date a guy with no dance skills. 50% of you said HELL no. (wow......presshah)

Wise words from You don't need to be a Jabbawockee, but you need to bring something to the dance floor. Especially if we takin' a wine.

Would you date a guy who had bad credit or had declared bankruptcy?
Regarding guys with bad credit. a few NO's. Most said that the credit issues need to be addressed before marriage. some said NP.

Would you marry a guy that your parents HATED?
75% of you WOULD marry a guy your parents hated. The rest obviously chose to side with the parentals.

Dang...this boy can sing.
For those who are vocally challenged...just play the song.



follow him on twitter or check out his other videos

What's your take on interracial dating...?

Yea? Nay?

Why do women trash talk each other?



What are your thoughts?

Post below or comment on twitter