(or how not to use the "unique" approach in order to pick up women)

Well, I've told you about The Gimp and the Pussy Predator I now need tell you about our dance with The Devil. Lucifer approached us as we were standing outside and extended my hand as if to shake it. This was off-putting for some reason, because he didn't say anything, he just stuck out his hand. No smile (well, a little smile), no hello...he just stuck out his hand. I just looked at it. He then turned 30 degrees and without saying anything, offered the hand to Girlfriend #1...she too looked at it. My Friendly Girlfriend was the last person to be offered the hand and she was nice.Thus spake The Devil:

"Hello. I want to become friends with you ladies. How do I do that?"

Girlfriend #1 and I are still staring blankly at him. Trying to figure out his angle, we waited. Thus spake The Devil again:

"My name is 'Luke'. You look nice, and you look nice, and you look nice. I want to be friends. Do you ladies live in Toronto?"

Well, I do, Girlfriend #1 and the Nice Girlfriend don't. He then clarifies that for him, "Toronto" includes not only the GTA, but the surrounding suburbs. The Nice Girlfriend says "so...basically for you,'Toronto' means 'Ontario'...but I take it you're not from Toronto?" (The Devil has an accent) He says:

"No, I am from Heruuul" (damn accent)

We all lean in and ask him to repeat himself.

"HERULL"

What now?

"H-E-L-L. Hell. So will you ladies give me your number so that I can call you and we can become friends?"

Yeah. Just like that. All three of us physically reel back.

Me: "like, seriously? You mean you're from Hell, Alberta? I know that there is a city called Hell somewhere, but..." (NB: It's actually in Michigan)

Him: "No. May I have your numbers?"

Okay, so he's dressed in a blazer (with a pocket square), speaks very formal, has an accent and just said he was from HELL. No explanation, no back story. The last time a guy ever said he was from Hell when he introduced himself to a bunch of women was This Guy.I'm just saying.

Him: "So can you ladies give me advice on how to make friends?"

Me: "you're asking the wrong person man, I'm not nice"

He persists in asking for advice and Girlfriend #1 and I agree that he should befriend friendly people (which we weren't).

Me: "So, Luke is like short for Lucifer?"

Him: "Why are you on this "Lucifer" thing?"

Listen bud, I remember some of the stories before I was kicked out of Sunday School. Don't try to distract me with mind games!

Me: DUDE! You said you were from HELL and you're wondering why I'm asking if you're Lucifer?!?

He makes fun of my outburst and then says, "so, is that it?"

Girlfriend #1: "girl, you need to blog this..."

Nice Girlfriend: "yes, and call it 'I'm in HELL right now'..."

Him: "that is it then."

Yes, Lucifer.That's it. You have failed. What was the moral of the story here? If you're going to go for the "unique" open...SMFH. I have no idea what to say to this! If you are going to try to unique open, be unique...NOT scary. The Jack the Ripper approach is not one to even attempt on Halloween.

Lucifer walked away in defeat and headed West. Or so we thought. A few guys who had been listening to the exchange spoke up to tease us (thanks...). They then point out that Lucifer has headed off defeated. To the East. Wait, we saw him go West. The 3 bandidas look West and...he's not there. The greatest trick the Devil ever pulled was convincing the world he didn't exist. And like that, poof. He's gone...

Me: "does anyone else smell fire and brimstone?!?!"

Later, Lucifer came back into the club and slipped Girlfriend #1 his number. With a shake of her head, he was dismissed and no, his number was not 416-666-6666. We left the number sitting in the club. I took a picture of it... I may give it to the next person who asks me if I've heard the good word or something. We know who saves souls, who is going to save his game?

Guys - I want to know how you would've done this better...post your responses below!

Seriously?



1. You know how many women probably said "no"?
2. I bet most of the yes's only said yes because it was on camera...

I guess that today is national "Try to Chop a Chick on Twitter Day"... 2 of my girls and myself (!) were...approached....wait, uhm...
had advances made...no, that doesn't sound right...
addressed by?

See, I don't even know how to refer to it! Any how, let me refer to it the way my instinct tells me to: some damn fool thought he could get in.

I will use my example:

My girl, the Quiz Queen @darlingnicky999,is a loyal BlackBerry user. I love my iPhone. Earlier today she said: I'm a true BB'er for life. Getting an iPhone would be like becoming a lesbian. I wrote back (to her) "hey! I'm straight!" Those who know me or follow me and my loyal "there's an app for that comments" would get the joke.

But no, out of nowhere comes "@idiotboy" (not his real ID) with this:

@herlilblackbook aha .... So what's ur bb pin then ??

1 - he doesn't know me to get the joke... I understand.
2 - I also understand that Twitter is a conversation, so that anything I say can be commented on by others...totally cool.
3 - and if he was say, a follower of @darlingnicky999 (and really, everyone should be) and was cracking a joke...fine

BUT 1 - @idiotboy just joined today
2 - see photo... these are the ONLY tweets he's posted today
3 - he's not following @darlingnicky999

Dude...seriously? So, it irked me. And when I'm irked I get really snarky. Using my favourite movie...I responded:

@idiotboy Hi!! Since ur new to twitter, this should help: The first rule of Tweet Club is, you do not hit on women on twitter...

@idiotboy the second rule of tweet club, is you DO NOT HIT ON WOMEN ON TWITTER http://twitpic.com/eieru

@idiotboy #3 if someone says stop....stop.

@idiotboy#4 visit the blog... herlilblackbooktheblog.blogspot.com :)

I'm sure this will earn an "unfollow", but oh well. Which got me thinking about bad social media etiquette...and then, BOOM! Two more women made the same complaint.

Guys: who the fuck told you this was okay? It's NOT!!


Recently I've had MySpace friend requests from randoms, Facebook adds... the kind where the guy adds you, you see that you have people in common abut you've never met them, blah blah blah. And I know that asking for a pin is just like getting a phone number but... There is a time and URL for everything. The next video we shoot will ask for some do's and don'ts - stay tuned...video this week. If you have some comments of your own...post them here or on twitter with the hash tag #twitterdo or #twitter don't.

Hmmm,

I will be the first to admit that I'm not nice. I'm a bitch.

I think my attitude is a huge contributing factor in the kind of men that approach me. For years my joke has been that guys who approach me are either a) really drunk b) really brave or c) really horny.

I was working the other night and met a cute guy...okay I met one GORGEOUS guy and one cute guy, but tried to keep it professional, y'know? One invited himself to my hotel for a private after party (uh...?) and the other sent me an email (we were all working at the event in different capacities). It was Gorgeous who invited himself to my room, and Cute who emailed me.

I called Cute back the next day as I made my way back to the city. We chatted, he then said it would have be cool if I stayed in town another evening, because we could've hung out that evening (his email suggested a drink).

I thought "cool"...so we ended up making tentative plans to meet up after he went to a dinner. We agreed to a nightcap, then he said he wouldn't be able to make it to the city until well after last call. No suggestion of what activity we might do...

So you know what activity he was thinking of...

Really? I'm only half surprised, though.

I explained that I would be making it an early nigh, because I had event to go to the next night and I had to still be at my desk for my day job on Monday. He writes back and later one writes that he only got in at 5 a.m., to which I said "sounds like you had a good time" he writes back "it would've been better if we had hooked up"

Urk.

In my opinion the definition of "hooking up" is way too fluid and depends on the hour it's used at.
If a guy says at 12 p.m. "you wanna hook up"? It could mean actually going out somewhere and doing something; if the same thing is said at 12 a.m., it means something different and the words "hook" and "up" become one word. I wrote back that I wanted a definition of what he meant. Because while Gorgeous flirted with me all night (making it hard to remain professional...damn that Dolce and Gabbana cologne!) Cute really didn't. In fact, I had no clue he was interested in me beyond a professional level, until I got his email saying that he missed out on saying goodnight to me...

He wrote back that hookup could mean whatever I wanted it to mean at any hour.

Le sigh.

I told my girl P about it and she said, "you need to tell him how sleazy he's coming off right now, lol". Agreed. So I wrote back

"I like my clothes and tend to keep them on..."

And then (because he's a DJ) I sent him a link to this song:



Mmmhmm... I did.

He wrote back, that he loves the song but that Jermaine was wrong.

SMDH. He going in that pile with all the rest.

I'm NOT gorgeous... so I really have struggled to figure out why I always get this invite. I've even asked my guy friends why is it guys go straight for the "kill" with me? Is it in the vibe I give off?

Guys, this will be my topic for the next video (will shoot it next weekend, even if I can't get my regular camera guy): what do women think when you do this?

As for me, he's cute, we have stuff in common, but he has committed a major FAIL with his comments. What turned into drinks, and what could've turned into something else might not be.

I'm not frigid, it just turns me off when it's the first thing I'm asked; and before anyone asks, I tend to be more covered than 90% of the women in the room, so please don't even suggest it's the way I dress! I like movies, I eat food...why can't I sistah get an invite to dinner or a movie? Normally, I would discount him because he's a DJ and when I hear that I automatically think of Jemini's "No More Dating DJs"; and now, he's got a strike against him. What do you think sweeties, should I give him a chance to redeem himself or should I leave him in that pile with the others?

My girl P has said "I'm gonna introduce you to some good guys tonight!" So I'll keep you posted.

I'll leave the fate of Cute up to you guys - vote here or on twitter

xoxo

p.s. Gorgeous' number is in my back pocket...