Never offer to treat a woman like a Princess if she's already the Queen of her kingdom...

xoxo

Okay...I'm going to rant because I'm really really tired...and angry.And it's moments like this that I think that HLBB actually serves a purpose.

Interior. Night. My apartment.

Phone rings and a familiar number to The Girl shows up on the display. It's the number of Stupid Fuck. She's surprised, because she hasn't heard from Stupid Fuck in about 3 months.

Lucky for me...these apps don't exist. I have an ex who would love this.
Guys: this is a parody; please don't try this at home (or anywhere else for that matter)

It's getting to the point that I read her posts as soon as she posts them... and you should too...today's required reading is her post: "Bedtime Stories"...read it. Commit it to memory. Enjoy

I guess that today is national "Try to Chop a Chick on Twitter Day"... 2 of my girls and myself (!) were...approached....wait, uhm...
had advances made...no, that doesn't sound right...
addressed by?

See, I don't even know how to refer to it! Any how, let me refer to it the way my instinct tells me to: some damn fool thought he could get in.

I will use my example:

My girl, the Quiz Queen @darlingnicky999,is a loyal BlackBerry user. I love my iPhone. Earlier today she said: I'm a true BB'er for life. Getting an iPhone would be like becoming a lesbian. I wrote back (to her) "hey! I'm straight!" Those who know me or follow me and my loyal "there's an app for that comments" would get the joke.

But no, out of nowhere comes "@idiotboy" (not his real ID) with this:

@herlilblackbook aha .... So what's ur bb pin then ??

1 - he doesn't know me to get the joke... I understand.
2 - I also understand that Twitter is a conversation, so that anything I say can be commented on by others...totally cool.
3 - and if he was say, a follower of @darlingnicky999 (and really, everyone should be) and was cracking a joke...fine

BUT 1 - @idiotboy just joined today
2 - see photo... these are the ONLY tweets he's posted today
3 - he's not following @darlingnicky999

Dude...seriously? So, it irked me. And when I'm irked I get really snarky. Using my favourite movie...I responded:

@idiotboy Hi!! Since ur new to twitter, this should help: The first rule of Tweet Club is, you do not hit on women on twitter...

@idiotboy the second rule of tweet club, is you DO NOT HIT ON WOMEN ON TWITTER http://twitpic.com/eieru

@idiotboy #3 if someone says stop....stop.

@idiotboy#4 visit the blog... herlilblackbooktheblog.blogspot.com :)

I'm sure this will earn an "unfollow", but oh well. Which got me thinking about bad social media etiquette...and then, BOOM! Two more women made the same complaint.

Guys: who the fuck told you this was okay? It's NOT!!


Recently I've had MySpace friend requests from randoms, Facebook adds... the kind where the guy adds you, you see that you have people in common abut you've never met them, blah blah blah. And I know that asking for a pin is just like getting a phone number but... There is a time and URL for everything. The next video we shoot will ask for some do's and don'ts - stay tuned...video this week. If you have some comments of your own...post them here or on twitter with the hash tag #twitterdo or #twitter don't.

Which we will film one day but I thought I'd put it here too:

"do girls really think all their girlfriends are hot?! because it's usually not the case!"

Agree? Disagree?

No more Sex and the City clips...

xoxo

Well, the conversation about the deed somehow got sidetracked with a conversation about odour...Yes, the guys were having a vagasil moment...

I admit, I set it off with my response: (bold=me, italics=twitter folk)
*arched brow* short answer: no. When's the last time U smelled a nutsack? Doesn't smell like febreze y'know.

"dont worry, I fully acknowledge male hygiene should be up 2 par. If u ever get close 2 my region it gon smell like mango"

Me: LMFAO - heard that before... handed him a bottle of febreze

"wowzers! That's cold."

"Vaginas are not always fresh either!"

Well I don't know about ur pussy (name omitted), but do not lump my shit in that generalization.

And for the love of God, let's call it by it's anatomically correct name.....VA-JAY-JAY.

Let us refer call it the lower region.

I see what you're saying. The stuff has to be fresh on both ends. Agreed!

and their shit IS NOT always minty fresh, especially when eating stinky foods...you get stinky stuff

so I cracked a joke about "funky junk" or "funky spunk"...

EXACTLY! Guys, it's commonly referred to as "funky junk" or "funky spunk"...just so you know...if you hear that she's not talking about rhythm...

NOPE, not rhythm...at ALL...in my experience, the sweeter the fruit, the sweeter the juice...no dairy, meat, beer...yeccch! ) I ain't going down like or on that!

WARNING: I'm not going to regularly post SATC clips on this blog - guys I want you to keep reading - but this was apropos for the convo...




follow us on twitter for more random convos like this and ladies: webcam me your response to this question: what do you do when the guys junk is funky?

UPDATE - my email has been compromised, so post a video response to YouTube and send me the link...sorry!

Well, one of my boys posted on twitter that for sex, anything longer than 10 minutes is not for pleasure and is just for exercise. Of course there was a round a disagreements...to which he responded:

Why do women say men are too quick when doing the deed? Have you ever considered that you are too slow?

Ladies, I'm going to leave this to you...what is your answer? Post below...and yes, I'm taking this question to the streets.

xoxox

Hi,

PSA time. Having a conversation with a friend of mine and the subject of, ahem, blow jobs came up.

Guys: please take note of what she's saying...thank you and goodnight.




New videos coming this week...xoxo

Courtesy of my girl @toflo (toflo.com)

Except, it was only around 11 p.m... LOL I was there, but I was too busy laughing...still a novice at shooting on the fly - more footage of them to come later. Whoooo!

http://www.qik.com/video/2459622

I would love to do an HLBB post like this...email me if you're interested!

Hi,

I'm excited, had to share...

Buying one of those Mini HD devices that will fit in my pocket. Normally our videos have been shot on an Mini DV HD cam (the kind used in TV), which looks great, but then we have to arrange timing schedule and shoot way in advance.

This new camera will allow me to shoot whenever inspiration strikes....which means? MORE VIDEOS!

Very excited.

Camera is being purchased tonight.

xoxo

p.s. it has night vision!!!! "to catch a 3 a.m. girl" anyone?

"Go get 'em cowboy."
-Team America, World Police


This weekend in Toronto, it was Caribana, which brings in a large amount of tourists from this country and the one just south of us...I see you down there!

With the Americans (or "Yankees" as I affectionately call them), came the complaints "too brash", "too loud", "too forward"...too much.and it got me thinking. Each time I go out for Caribana, I get hit on, holla'd at, or felt up by a Yankee. But each year, they come back and my Canadian boys complain that they're trying to move in on us women.

So, why do the Yankees succeed? And I thought about it a bit. It's not just the accents - although give me a Philly or Baltimore drawl any day - which is what guys say or try to imitate. It's not the clothes or the big cars.

It's that they have nothing to lose. Remember, they're on vacation. Think about how you are on vacation. You have a little more swagger, you take risks, you're a little more relaxed and flirty...exactly. Personally, I think they crank it up a notch when they're aren't dealing with American women, which is why Estelle wrote a song called "American Boy" and not "London Gentlemen".

What can you learn from the Americans?

Take chances...
Approach the unapproachable...with confidence. Was out with a couple of my girls on Friday...one guy spotted my friend and I watched him hover for 25 minutes (she was oblivious). I mean literally just hover around us.When did he approach? When she was in the middle of texting (her boyfriend by the way), when he was shot down, he said "what about your friend? She seemed a little stand off-ish, so I didn't approach her (he was talking about my other friend not me)

Whoa...dude. You're grasping at straws.

Another night we're out and grab some late night food at Fran's. The Yankees in another booth call out to me to join them. Why? "Because I think you're attractive, and would make an interesting dinner companion...and you can bring one of your girls over too! I got my boy right here for her!" I stayed with my friends (because I'm not a 3amgirl), but he tried for 5 minutes before I ended the conversation. The entire time, he was pleasant, funny and most of all, sure of himself. And when I shot him down?

Have backup....
At one point in the conversation I said "and how drunk are you?" His two boys jumped to his defense without missing a beat "yeah, he's a little drunk, but it doesn't mean he doesn't know a good thing when he sees it!" "you should talk to him when he's regular, you'd like him, give him your number and you can find out tomorrow..." My expression was blank, but inside, I was laughing, he came with references!

Especially if you're not the most confident guy in the world, have somebody you can play off of (like a wingman) to help you shine and be charming.Had I been less jaded, he might've had my number...

Smile for fuck's sake...
Seriously? Yankees come up here smiling like it's Christmas morning! Why? Scantily clad women, heat and alcohol...you'd be smiling too (if you were in Trinidad, Brazil or Mexico). And not leering smiles, real smiles...the kind that make a girl smiile back. And say hi or give a head nod but keep walking...you shouldn't just smile at the girls you want a piece of....smile at all of them. I watched one Yankee walk by some jaded girls and say "y'all ladies are looking lovely today"...I then watched him joke and flirt with all, BUT get the number of 1...but he already had his backup and therefore 3 more endorsements.

Be original.
"psssst" is not a pickup line dammit and "how you doing?" only worked for Joey on Friends. 'Nuff said.


Don't take or make it personal...
She's not interested? Shrug your shoulders...there are a lot more women in this city. I once told a guy I wasn't interested (my exact words "no, it's alright") his response? "Well, you're kinda fat anyways and I thought your friend was cuter" Me: "stupid mothafucka, why are you talking to me then?"

A: he didn't have enough confidence to go for what he really wanted (apparently my friend), so he went for the second ring...tsk tsk. And then when he was shot down, got upset and lashed out at me? I could've introduce him to my friend but he opened up his big mouth.

You're not on a timer...
I think you guys have been watching Keys to the VIP a little too hard... yes, they score a girl's number in 2 minutes or less (or they don't), but it's edited down and they're on a game show! Yankees willl try with you for 5, 10 minutes to achieve their goal - remember they're on vacation, they have all the time in the world. Quality, guys not quantity.

Sexy comments right off the bat only work...
If you're a celebrity (and even then, not so much). Funny trumps looks for many women, but if you crack a joke in the very first moments of conversation about getting some, you won't.

Relax, be honest and remember: she's not the last woman on earth.

If you follow us on Twitter, you know of my tales of the 3 a.m. girls. It started out as a bit of joke, resulting from our nights out a clubs watching guys fail at the art of the pick up.

Guy trying to pick up a girl on our left, and drunk out of her mind girl to our right...

We started calling them the 3 a.m. Girls. Paris and Lindsay are their patron saints...their libation of choice is whatever they can afford or is purchased for them and they seem to develop an aversion to shoes somewhere around the 3 a.m. hour.

So now, the 3 a.m. Girl is on Twitter - follow her and her friends each weekend.

Is it malicious? Meh, a little. But really it's no more embarrassing than your friends posting pics of you bleary eyed, with vomit in your hair on Facebook the next day. And we will always keep the identities of the 3 a.m. Girls anonymous. If you spot a 3 a.m. Girl when you're out - send a tweet to @3amgirls and hashtag it as well...let's see where this goes.