"what, uh happened was, that I was fixing my car, and I got tired. I got so tired, I didn't feel this girl jump up in my car. No baby I swear, I didn't feel her OR her girl taking my cellphone to send you the video. NO baby, I don't know how she knew you were my girl...she must've just chosen the last number I dialed. Baby, just listen. I don't know these hoes! See? See how they hafta shake me awake? They just trying to cause drama. Look woman, you ain't gonna love me when it hurts, this ain't gonna work... and how you gonna have GPS on my phone and not tell me woman?"

You know some brotha is gonna try this excuse...

Although there is someone for everyone,
sometimes the world would be better off if they never met.

3 minutes ago from UberTwitter

Hmmm,

I will be the first to admit that I'm not nice. I'm a bitch.

I think my attitude is a huge contributing factor in the kind of men that approach me. For years my joke has been that guys who approach me are either a) really drunk b) really brave or c) really horny.

I was working the other night and met a cute guy...okay I met one GORGEOUS guy and one cute guy, but tried to keep it professional, y'know? One invited himself to my hotel for a private after party (uh...?) and the other sent me an email (we were all working at the event in different capacities). It was Gorgeous who invited himself to my room, and Cute who emailed me.

I called Cute back the next day as I made my way back to the city. We chatted, he then said it would have be cool if I stayed in town another evening, because we could've hung out that evening (his email suggested a drink).

I thought "cool"...so we ended up making tentative plans to meet up after he went to a dinner. We agreed to a nightcap, then he said he wouldn't be able to make it to the city until well after last call. No suggestion of what activity we might do...

So you know what activity he was thinking of...

Really? I'm only half surprised, though.

I explained that I would be making it an early nigh, because I had event to go to the next night and I had to still be at my desk for my day job on Monday. He writes back and later one writes that he only got in at 5 a.m., to which I said "sounds like you had a good time" he writes back "it would've been better if we had hooked up"

Urk.

In my opinion the definition of "hooking up" is way too fluid and depends on the hour it's used at.
If a guy says at 12 p.m. "you wanna hook up"? It could mean actually going out somewhere and doing something; if the same thing is said at 12 a.m., it means something different and the words "hook" and "up" become one word. I wrote back that I wanted a definition of what he meant. Because while Gorgeous flirted with me all night (making it hard to remain professional...damn that Dolce and Gabbana cologne!) Cute really didn't. In fact, I had no clue he was interested in me beyond a professional level, until I got his email saying that he missed out on saying goodnight to me...

He wrote back that hookup could mean whatever I wanted it to mean at any hour.

Le sigh.

I told my girl P about it and she said, "you need to tell him how sleazy he's coming off right now, lol". Agreed. So I wrote back

"I like my clothes and tend to keep them on..."

And then (because he's a DJ) I sent him a link to this song:



Mmmhmm... I did.

He wrote back, that he loves the song but that Jermaine was wrong.

SMDH. He going in that pile with all the rest.

I'm NOT gorgeous... so I really have struggled to figure out why I always get this invite. I've even asked my guy friends why is it guys go straight for the "kill" with me? Is it in the vibe I give off?

Guys, this will be my topic for the next video (will shoot it next weekend, even if I can't get my regular camera guy): what do women think when you do this?

As for me, he's cute, we have stuff in common, but he has committed a major FAIL with his comments. What turned into drinks, and what could've turned into something else might not be.

I'm not frigid, it just turns me off when it's the first thing I'm asked; and before anyone asks, I tend to be more covered than 90% of the women in the room, so please don't even suggest it's the way I dress! I like movies, I eat food...why can't I sistah get an invite to dinner or a movie? Normally, I would discount him because he's a DJ and when I hear that I automatically think of Jemini's "No More Dating DJs"; and now, he's got a strike against him. What do you think sweeties, should I give him a chance to redeem himself or should I leave him in that pile with the others?

My girl P has said "I'm gonna introduce you to some good guys tonight!" So I'll keep you posted.

I'll leave the fate of Cute up to you guys - vote here or on twitter

xoxo

p.s. Gorgeous' number is in my back pocket...

I'm at a wedding... so you know I should find at least one thing to tweet about...

be good...or be good at it...xoxo

Oooh...

Remember this album? This video?


For me, this album is nearly almost half a lifetime ago...but I have a specficic memory tied to just about every song...

That's the Way Love Goes - a classic....'nuff said

You Want This I dressed like this for school...

If (in fact I can tie this song to a specific person right now...)

Throb (I don't know how 2 16 year old girls got to drive around all summer in short shorts, blaring this song out of a convertible sports car...but we did...and we LOVED the looks on the boys faces)

What'll I Do - I love it when Janet goes all rock (think Black Cat)...this was my shower song.

Again this song has a specific person attached to it ...always

Where Are You Now (I still wonder where this person is sometimes...I'll admit it)

Any Time, Any Place - now "IF" is my track (it even makes me think of someone current, hee hee...but this would be a close second)

And as the last track says lovelies..."Sweet Dreams"

But when I read that Jimmy Choo was pairing up with H&M this fall, I got a little lightheaded... I imagine it's the same way you feel when you meet the man of your dreams.

News Courtesy of Marcus Troy

My girl Danielle summed it up best when she said this of the news: "This is how I know baby Jesus loves me."

Ah, the 3 a.m. Girls... I've been seeing a lot of them lately. Sometimes they come out a bit earlier, but you usually see them en masse at 3 a.m.

A 3 a.m. Girl is:

Usually shouting at her friend to "hurry up", "shut up" or "get up" or, she's the one being shouted at.

She'll call her closest friend a "whore" but mean it in a loving manner...this is sometimes combined with the first clue – as in: "shut up you whore*! I love you!"

(*"whore" can be replaced with "bitch", "slut", or "cocksucker")

Usually the one who let some guy separate her from her friends and has been hooking up with said guy for the past hour. He has now brought her drunk and dishelved ass back to her friends so that they can all go home together.

Was the one projectile vomiting in the bathroom at 2:40, or is the one sitting on the curb outside the club, dazed and confused, too drunk to walk.

She’s the one that ends up in the Facebook photo gallery.

Was the one who thought the 5 inch "patent leather" white pumps purchased in Chinatown looked cute with her outfit when she left home at 11:30, but now can't walk in them, so she's walking along the vomit and urine stained streets barefoot. If she has a strong backed boyfriend, then this is the girl being carried by him.

Mumbling "I need food" and trying to hug strangers because she's in a good mood.

Or has spent all her money on drinks and cannot afford a cab ride home…so she’s taking the a vomit rocket (all night bus) or is trying to decide whether or not she should spend her last bit of money on some street meat or the bus. I once watched two girls split a hot dog so that they could afford the bus home.

An open love letter to those dear 3 a.m. Girls:

Some of you will grow out of it, others will become 3 a.m. Cougars and a few will have really shitty stuff happen one night -whether it be a lost shoe (saw it happen), crawling around on the floor of a club because you lost your engagement ring (seriously it was sad… she was bawling like a muthafucka) or lost car (true story; they had the keys, but they had no idea where it was parked…which is good thing considering she was in no state to drive).

The pitfall of being a 3 a.m. Girl is that you become the target of "last call" guys. These douchebags are trying get any kind of coochie they can because it's now after last call at the bar and this is their last chance…these guys figure if they’re gonna get any tonight, it will be from you, the 3 a.m. Girl, who not fully aware, doesn’t care much or is just as desperate. Or, because you made out with your friend on the couch in VIP while the guys having bottle service cheered you on and took pictures.

Oh 3 a.m. Girl, is this what you thought your night would be when you left home the night before? Really?

Oh yeah:

Your girl is not a “dirty cocksucking whore” that you love because “that’s (your) bitch”…she’s your friend and your best chance of getting home in one piece. Respect that.

That hot hookup guy? He’ll (maybe) call for another session, but you probably won’t hear from him after that…the next time you see him, you’ll be (hopefully) sober, so I hope for your sake he was as hot as you remembered him.

My mother always had this advice “don’t ever go out if you don’t have enough money to pay your own way, call in case of an emergency or to get home”.

Don’t go out in something at night that you’d be ashamed to walk home in during the light of day… because I’ve seen some of you at sunrise and it ain’t pretty and don’t buy shoes you can’t walk in for at least 7 hours.


Other than that…I love 3 a.m. Girls... because, well, they're funny.

xoxo

p.s. for those who are wondering… I have been severely trashed on many occasions, but have never been a 3 a.m. Girl.


The Patron Saint of 3 a.m. Girls - Paris Hilton

Dang...funny thing is I've yet to date a man who uses anything other than LinkedIn. (yay me!)

Facebook and Divorce: Airing the Dirty Laundry

geek pickup lines....these had me laughing

nmau RT @threadless: #geekpickuplines: "Let's go back to MySpace and you can Twitter all over my Facebook" http://thrdl.es/p/1881

SweetestSinner_ I was hoping you wouldn't block my pop-up. #geekpickuplines

OskrZapata you are the most beautiful girl in the worldwideweb #geekpickuplines

nissanessery #geekpickuplines Would you mind if I inserted my memory stick into your USB port?

MxWorldClassxM #geekpickuplines need me to unzip your files? 2 minutes ago from web

I didn't watch Friends when it was on...so this is new to me.



gentlemen, take notes...

You're welcome

...sending this out to my girl (you know who you are...xoxox)

Kelly Clarkson "I Do Not Hook Up"



Oh, sweetheart, put the bottle down
You've got too much talent
I see you through those bloodshot eyes
There's a cure, you've found it
Slow motion, sparks, you've caught that chill
Now don't deny it
But boys will be boys, oh, yes, they will
They don't wanna define it
Just give up the game and get into me
If you're looking for thrills then get comfy

Oh, no, I do not hook up, up, I go slow
So if you want me, I don't come cheap
Keep your hand in my hand, your heart on your sleeve
Oh, no, I do not hook up, up, I fall deep
'Cause the more that you try the harder I'll fight
To say goodnight

I can't cook, no, but I can clean
Up the mess she left
Lay your head down and feel the beat
As I kiss your forehead
This may not last but this is now
So love the one you're with
You wanna chase but you're chasin' your tail
A quick fix won't ever get you well

Oh, no, I do not hook up, up, I go slow
So if you want me, I don't come cheap
Keep your hand in my hand, your heart on your sleeve
Oh, no, I do not hook up, up, I fall deep
'Cause the more that you try the harder I'll fight
To say...

'Cause I feel
The distance
Between us
Could be over
With the snap of your finger, Oh, no!

Oh, no, I do not hook up, up, I go slow
So if you want me, I don't come cheap
Keep your hand in my hand, your heart on your sleeve
Oh, no, I do not hook up, up, I fall deep
'Cause the more that you try the harder I'll fight
To say...
'Cause the more that you try the harder I'll fight
To say goodnight

Oh, sweetheart, put the bottle down
'Cause you don't wanna miss out

Me: I don't get the obsession with Megan Fox...it's not like she wakes up looking that way.

Him: As long as she looks like that the night before, I really don't care about the morning after...

Chemistry is traditionally defined as:the science of matter; the branch of the natural sciences dealing with the composition of substances and their properties and reactions

In dating, is there really such a thing and should it be called chemistry? My boy D and I just spent an hour talking about it (not that we don't spend hours talking about stuff in general). But I still can't put my finger on it... what IS it exactly?

He thinks it starts with physical attraction and grows from there (well, that's how it worked with his current girlfriend)

I think that it's something that's more like a feeling and that it goes beyond the first meeting.

He thinks feeling comfortable with that person and being compatible is equal to chemistry.

I think there needs to be some sort of spark...

Let me stress: sparks do NOT equal drama, I've had enough drama in my life and do not encourage it. But I fully admit, I do want that spark. For me, it's that sense of anticipation, even while you're with the person. That feeling that each time you see them it's new and not the same old, same old...some sort of visceral reaction...

My past relationship modus operandi has been: meet a guy, be friends with them for a year or two, and then one day, the declaration happens. He says "we should be more than friends..." and depending on the timing in my life, I've said yes or no. I realized that this m.o. stretches back to my very first boyfriend. I had great chemistry with each of them, but it was the friend kind of chemisty that we then tried to make into a relationship...sometimes successful (5 1/2 years as a couple)...sometimes not so much (3 months as a couple).

While reviewing this m.o. with D, I said "in my next relationship..."

I'm a happily single woman who doesn't give much thought to having a boyfriend, so for him to hear me talk about having one signals to him that I want a boyfriend. So, once he stopped laughng, he asked for I.D. and then once the rude little fucker confirmed that I hadn't been replaced with a robot, asked what was wrong with the guys I had met lately, and why none of them could be boyfriend material. Beyond the fact that most of the guys that I've mentioned to him lately have been old friends (which would fit my standard m.o.) there's been one thing missing. That chemistry, that rapport I have with them as friends, I don't see it translating into something else...

I also just want to meet a guy, have that spark, date for a bit, and then one day...have that "okay, we've been dating for a few months..." status check type of conversation. The way my schedule is, I honestly find it hard to develop a relationship, so the above scenario is very much a fantasy. But I will say this:my next relationship needs to have "boyfriend/girlfriend" chemistry.

He thinks that there are a couple of contenders that I should give a chance to, as he believes they would have that declaration ready, if I ever gave the signal that I was open to hearing it (and no, he's not one of them) But c'mon now, I've known one of them for 10 years! You think he would've said something by now! He's in that "friend zone" and he's not moving out of it. Besides, after each relationship ended, I lost the friend as we were never able to go back to what it was...I'm not interested in ruining any more friendships.

For now, I've reworked the definition to create my own for dating: Chemistry is the science of personalities; the branch of the male/female relationship dealing with the composition of individuals, their properties and reactions. But as the sun rises, I'm still left wondering: does chemistry exist? Is it an ideal or something real? Is it that easy rapport you have with another person or is it fireworks? Is it something you have to maintain or does it come naturally?

Or is it something that you just know? (grr, I hate those things)