Chemistry is traditionally defined as:the science of matter; the branch of the natural sciences dealing with the composition of substances and their properties and reactions

In dating, is there really such a thing and should it be called chemistry? My boy D and I just spent an hour talking about it (not that we don't spend hours talking about stuff in general). But I still can't put my finger on it... what IS it exactly?

He thinks it starts with physical attraction and grows from there (well, that's how it worked with his current girlfriend)

I think that it's something that's more like a feeling and that it goes beyond the first meeting.

He thinks feeling comfortable with that person and being compatible is equal to chemistry.

I think there needs to be some sort of spark...

Let me stress: sparks do NOT equal drama, I've had enough drama in my life and do not encourage it. But I fully admit, I do want that spark. For me, it's that sense of anticipation, even while you're with the person. That feeling that each time you see them it's new and not the same old, same old...some sort of visceral reaction...

My past relationship modus operandi has been: meet a guy, be friends with them for a year or two, and then one day, the declaration happens. He says "we should be more than friends..." and depending on the timing in my life, I've said yes or no. I realized that this m.o. stretches back to my very first boyfriend. I had great chemistry with each of them, but it was the friend kind of chemisty that we then tried to make into a relationship...sometimes successful (5 1/2 years as a couple)...sometimes not so much (3 months as a couple).

While reviewing this m.o. with D, I said "in my next relationship..."

I'm a happily single woman who doesn't give much thought to having a boyfriend, so for him to hear me talk about having one signals to him that I want a boyfriend. So, once he stopped laughng, he asked for I.D. and then once the rude little fucker confirmed that I hadn't been replaced with a robot, asked what was wrong with the guys I had met lately, and why none of them could be boyfriend material. Beyond the fact that most of the guys that I've mentioned to him lately have been old friends (which would fit my standard m.o.) there's been one thing missing. That chemistry, that rapport I have with them as friends, I don't see it translating into something else...

I also just want to meet a guy, have that spark, date for a bit, and then one day...have that "okay, we've been dating for a few months..." status check type of conversation. The way my schedule is, I honestly find it hard to develop a relationship, so the above scenario is very much a fantasy. But I will say this:my next relationship needs to have "boyfriend/girlfriend" chemistry.

He thinks that there are a couple of contenders that I should give a chance to, as he believes they would have that declaration ready, if I ever gave the signal that I was open to hearing it (and no, he's not one of them) But c'mon now, I've known one of them for 10 years! You think he would've said something by now! He's in that "friend zone" and he's not moving out of it. Besides, after each relationship ended, I lost the friend as we were never able to go back to what it was...I'm not interested in ruining any more friendships.

For now, I've reworked the definition to create my own for dating: Chemistry is the science of personalities; the branch of the male/female relationship dealing with the composition of individuals, their properties and reactions. But as the sun rises, I'm still left wondering: does chemistry exist? Is it an ideal or something real? Is it that easy rapport you have with another person or is it fireworks? Is it something you have to maintain or does it come naturally?

Or is it something that you just know? (grr, I hate those things)